Mailbag: Dealing With A Jealous Friend

I received this question a while ago, and I thought I would answer it here. Joe writes:

My buddy lost his job and so I posted an add for him to do things like rideshare on craigslist. Well, I have another friend who does the same thing and now he is upset because he says "im acting like a competitor" and that "a friend wouldnt do that" and all im trying to do is help my buddy have money to take care of his kid......I personally think he is acting childish......what do u think

Joe, your friend suffers from a lack of the ability to be reasonable. This is one of the most important elements of Loricism; in fact, it's one of the 11 Keys. "Be reasonable." Sometimes it's hard to deal with people who are like this, but it's imperative that you don't lapse and fall into a similar state in response. You must be reasonable, even when other people aren't.

Your friend is also displaying signs of jealousy. What you did was not at all out of line. You were obviously trying to help a friend in need, as good friends should. If he does not understand that, he lacks compassion. He's acting selfishly. You are also not acting "like a competitor" in this instance. You are under no obligation to only refer people to him and his services. It stands to reason that you may have a number of friends who all share the same hobbies, professions, skills, etc.

My advice to you is to remain reasonable, and keep doing what you're doing. You have done nothing wrong, and you should explain yourself that way. "I have done nothing wrong. I have no reason to apologize." You explained your intentions and you made a decision to help a friend in need. You have more than one friend, and your other friends should understand this. If they cannot, are they really that great of friends? If he cannot be reasonable and see that he is acting as such, you must ask yourself if he is really worth having as a friend. You don't need to suffer unreasonable people. You don't need to deal with drama. Don't let people drag you down. By all means, try to inspire them to course-correct (that is another trait of a good friend), but don't overwork yourself if you see it's not going to do any good. Just move on and save yourself the effort.

His desire to be selfish may cost him business in the long run. You may have seen him being understanding, and in turn you probably would have referred other business to him in the future. But I don't see why you should at this point. Let him find his own business, and let his customers discover how unreasonable he is. Maybe he'll end up learning the hard way.